Thursday, March 14, 2013


by bofa xesjum

additional questions by cathy aragon

illustrations by penmarq studios

1. what was joe dimaggio's batting average in 1937?

2. how many home runs did babe ruth hit in 1930?

3. how many electoral votes did wendell willkie get in 1940?

4. who won the pulitzer prize for fiction in 1951?

5. who was jean harlow's best friend?

6. how many daily newspapers were there in new york in 1932?

6-a. how many in san francisco?

7. how do you tie a sailor's knot?

7-a. how do you bake an apple pie?

7-b. what is the best way to bake brownies?

8. do you believe in heaven?

8-a. if yes, what percentage of humans go to heaven?

9. are there more demons or humans in the universe?

10. are there more good persons or bad persons among humans alive today?

10-a. among all humans who have ever lived?

11. is money a) a good thing or b) a bad thing?

11-a. if your answer to 11 is a) should everybody in the world have the same amount?

11-b. if your answer to 11 is b) should it be abolished?

11-c. if money is to be abolished, how many years should it take to abolish it?

a) 100,000 - 500,000

b) 1,000 - 100,000

c ) 100 - 1,000

d) less than 100

e) it should be done immediately

11-d) if everybody is to have the same amount, how much should that be?

12. should the gold standard be reintroduced?

13. should women be allowed to appear in public?

13-a. should men be allowed to own women?

14. should there be a human emperor or empress ?

14-a. if yes, how should he/she be selected?

a) by lottery

b) by popular vote

c) the person most directly descended from cleopatra

d) the heaviest person

e) the winner of a hot dog eating contest

f) the man with the biggest dick

g) the woman with the biggest boobs

h) the woman with the biggest ass

15. true or false? the biggest problem in the world is greed

16. the biggest problems in the world are (rank in descending order)

a) greed

b) power

c) religion

d) atheism

e) sexism

f) women

g) men

h) children

i) overpopulation

j) decline of population

k) money

l) abolition of the gold standard

m) slavery

n) respect for elders

o) disrespect of elders

p) soil erosion

q) homosexuality

r) homophobia

s) child abuse

t) child labor

u) laziness

v) liberalism

w) conservatism

x) marxism

y) ignorance

z) climate change

17) you would most like to be:

a) the nicest person in the world

b) the richest person in the world

c) the most beautiful person in the world

d) the most feared person in the world

e) the funniest person in the world

f) the man with the biggest dick

g) the woman with the biggest boobs

h) the woman with the biggest ass

18) what famous person would you most like to be?

18-a) what famous person would you most like to be stranded on a desert island with?

19) would you like to be anybody (in particular) but yourself? yes or no.

19-a) would you like to be anybody (at all) but yourself? yes or no.

20) which of the following opening lines of a novel or a story do you find the most effective?

a) once upon a time there was a beautiful young princess. she lived in a faraway castle at the edge of a faraway sea.

b) johnny smith had a big dick and he loved to fuck. but what he really liked to do was get fucked by guys with even bigger dicks than himself.

c) "so these are the sort of fellows you bring me, eh? that you expect me to defend the empire with?"

d) four shots rang out in the night.

e) this guy was walking down the street. suddenly his heart skipped a beat.

f) betty brown had the biggest boobs in boomtown and she bounced bodaciously down the boulevard in her blue bloomers.

g) "i'm afraid i can't use you . you have become useless, quite useless to me."

h) "please don't do this."

i) billy smith was born to kick ass and it pissed him off that he was stranded in such a candyass world.

j) the queen was angry, angrier than even her oldest servants had ever seen her.

k) lady molly laughed easily. "why of course i will subscribe, doctor. put me down for two thousand pounds."

l) "you have been a couple of very naughty girls," said the duke. "but i have something here which will teach you to mind your manners."

m) he watched the red tail lights of the el dorado disappear into the desert.

n) the ancients knew things of which we dare not dream.

o) another day, another ten million dollars

p) "go ahead and scream. no one can hear you."

q) they came out of the night like wild stallions on coke, like hopped up vultures desperate for a last meal

r) although she was not one herself, helen loved beautiful people

s) bob had no friends, but he was far from alone in the world

t) "this is it - positively the last time."

u) "i thought you were my friend."

v) sometimes i think i would like to go far away - far away, where no one has ever gone before.

part 2

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